How to Successfully Make 9th Step Amends

I am determined to let my loved ones be independent. They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure. Remorseful words like “I’m sorry,” and an 8th & 9th step amends process (in 12-step recovery) can go a long way toward making things right, but neither of these comes close to a living amends. Before you living amends start working step nine, you must have already completed step eight. Step eight says “Made a list of all the people we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” You cannot work the 9th step effectively without doing step eight first. Sometimes, you may not have the opportunity to make direct amends to the person you harmed.

What are life’s biggest moments?

  • Getting married or divorced.
  • Starting a new job or leaving an old one.
  • Beginning a new business partnership.
  • Taking a big trip.
  • Paying of debt.
  • Finishing school.
  • Retiring.
  • Losing a Loved One.

I don’t know how to deal with the regret, the Grief, and the guilt that I have because I love them so much and miss them just as badly. I just want them to know that I love them so much and I am so sorry for everything and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat. I want them both to also know that I am so proud that I had them as my parents. Every night when I pray I pray I thank God that he blessed me with such great parents.

Where Does the Term Come From?

When it comes to making amends to others, there are usually a lot of fears and expectations involved. We may be afraid about making financial amends, or afraid of rejection, retaliation and a host of other doubtful outcomes. However, making amends doesn’t always have to be a nerve-racking, dreadful or joyless experience. There is freedom that is gained by cleaning up the past, a freedom to live peacefully in the present. We have already begun making amends to ourselves by changing some of our behaviors, attitudes and beliefs.

Scholarships are granted to those individuals who have completed an in-patient treatment and are looking to continue their recovery journey in sober living. Living Amends partners with sober living facilities to closely monitor each scholarship and intervene if obstacles arise to long-term sobriety. You need to find the approach that works best for you. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease.

Self Love Quote: Give Love To Yourself

By Step Nine, we’ve eliminated many of the destructive attitudes, perspectives and feelings we used to have, which makes room for love in our lives. Recently a member of a FB group brought up a point I’d considered several times and you allude to it in this article. It would be helpful if grieving parents had a support system like AA. To be able to find a meeting when we’re losing it would be extremely helpful. Having the FB groups with members worldwide, one can usually find someone awake no matter the time of day or night. Still to have full human contact would be more effective. I dealt with guilt issues myself not only after my daughter died but a year later when my mother died.

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Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor.


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